The tough subjects

I just need to touch on this to let people into my heart, but also to show my gratitude for learning things through struggle and heartache.

Today, Toby came home from work and told me that our friend was going home to the states because his brother had died. I was surprised of course. I could tell Toby was kind of apprehensive to tell me the situation, but he did anyway.

His brother had apparently committed suicide. For those that do not know me very well, I too had a brother commit suicide. I have been very surprised at how much my heart has been aching today. The hurt and sorrow in these situations is sometimes harder to deal with.

I remember that day vividly. I remember the hurt the unanswered question. As I have continued on through life these last 12 years, I reflect back on what I have learned. How I could have reacted differently. How I could have judged everyone I know that has ever dealt with this type of situation. How much I have learned about free agency and choices.

This post was originally written in December and I put off publishing it. I just want people to know, there is a purpose for everyone. Sometimes we lose that focus and sometimes we may need help and not be sure how to ask for it. Whatever the situation is..
As I have been praying about the next step for our family. It has become clear that I cannot run from my purpose in life anymore. As I reflect to see if I have done everything here in Japan that the Lord has sent me to do.. I have to honestly answer NO.
There is a difference in being hard on yourself, and being honest with yourself. My prayers reaffirm that it is the latter and that I have been blessed with special gifts/talents to really be able to help people. The things my parents have taught me to not judge others, but be honest is showing up in every aspect around me.

I have been truly blessed in almost every endeavor I have tried to do. I have learned new skills and have found many new talents by trying new tasks and really asking more of myself.

Bottom line of this post is that I truly care for people. I want people to know their value and their purpose here. My testimony of the Love that our Heavenly Father has for his children is very full and I hope to pass that along to others. It still saddens me about my brother and I miss him, but not dwelling on the negative and going out and helping others who might feel the way he felt is something I must do.