I am just soo sad right now. I saw the number of Toby calling and wanted it so bad to be him telling me he made it to the states early. I can't give specifics because of his safety but I am devastated that he is not close to being home.
I just feel like I got punched in the stomach! The kids are asleep and we ran around all day getting stuff ready for Dad to be here. I guess I will break the news to them when they wake up. Thinking of little Carmens face is breaking my heart. We have been doing her hair special for 2 days now, and nothing!
You know..I have only cried 3 times during this deployment and thought I was doing well, but then hearing my husband say it has been the worst day in his Army career is really heartbreaking. One day in 18 months isn't bad I guess.
I know this feeling will go away if there is ever a plane that can safely bring him home, but come on? How did I know that this would happen to the Tennyson family? I just knew that even though nobody else has had anything go wrong with r&r it would be us. We are strong and are used to this kind of crap, but I thought this time would be different.
Oh well..can't change anything with it myself. I guess I will not hesitate to go do some fun stuff tomorrow without him and just be excited someday when he shows up at the airport.lol
Saturday, August 23, 2008
School
In the event that everyone is sharing their back to school stories this time of year, I thought I would pipe in.
Everyone knows I am 30 right? Not really that young anymore, but young at heart. My husband has gone back to school (thank you Army for paying for it) and he inspired me to do the same. I found out I could get some credits for some work I have done in the past and have taken advantage of it.
So I started school on Thursday of this week. I should have taken my picture in my cute new outfit and looking really cute. LOL
Truth is I thought my first class was on Wednesday so I went at 6:30 in the morning and no one was in class. I was so mad and thought they had cancelled it. No...it was on Thursday. Is anyone surprised?
Now that I have my schedule in front of me and all written out I think I am good, but it is a little scary to be going back at such and age, but now is better than never. The kids are at a good age and I have it so early that they probably won't even know I am gone. I am excited and only took classes that I was excited about this semester.
Public Speaking- help me prepare for some of my speaking arrangements
Writing-help me in writing my book
Running/Jogging-get to train for a half marathon
Weight Training
Effects of Drugs in Society-
All of these classes excite me and have something concurrantly going on that will help me in my own life..so YAY for me. I plan to finish in the fall of 2010. Wish me luck!
Everyone knows I am 30 right? Not really that young anymore, but young at heart. My husband has gone back to school (thank you Army for paying for it) and he inspired me to do the same. I found out I could get some credits for some work I have done in the past and have taken advantage of it.
So I started school on Thursday of this week. I should have taken my picture in my cute new outfit and looking really cute. LOL
Truth is I thought my first class was on Wednesday so I went at 6:30 in the morning and no one was in class. I was so mad and thought they had cancelled it. No...it was on Thursday. Is anyone surprised?
Now that I have my schedule in front of me and all written out I think I am good, but it is a little scary to be going back at such and age, but now is better than never. The kids are at a good age and I have it so early that they probably won't even know I am gone. I am excited and only took classes that I was excited about this semester.
Public Speaking- help me prepare for some of my speaking arrangements
Writing-help me in writing my book
Running/Jogging-get to train for a half marathon
Weight Training
Effects of Drugs in Society-
All of these classes excite me and have something concurrantly going on that will help me in my own life..so YAY for me. I plan to finish in the fall of 2010. Wish me luck!
Sick to my stomach-my view on the race
My stomach is sick tonight after reading that Obama has picked Biden as his running mate. Not that I thought there was a better choice, but that I am just sick about the whole thing. This is my view on the Presidential race. I know there is some sort of delay on telling people who your running mate is but it just seemed that Obama is playing the media and the American people to see where he stands.
To me he is someone that is just seeing how much power he can get and not really wanting a "CHANGE" in anything.
These times are going to get kind of dark and dreary. I am an optimist but not stupid to think that if I just keep thinking positive the world will do the same. I am in wonder at what my part in all this is. I wonder if McCain is that much better. I wonder if one person really can make a difference. If I go out and am a big supporter of one person will it really matter.
These next couple of months will not really change anything in the present but they are keeping the ball rolling and I hope we can change it to a new direction. I hope all of us will get involved and do our part. I pray that we will all be looking at ourselves and in our homes and making sure we are giving our all to our families and our country.
I am just sick about it, but can't let the fear stop me. Toby and I have some deep conversations coming up, I know it. When he goes back I am going to find my niche and run with it. Ok, so I have about 20 niches, but hey..all I need is the energy and I will succeed at every one of them.
To me he is someone that is just seeing how much power he can get and not really wanting a "CHANGE" in anything.
These times are going to get kind of dark and dreary. I am an optimist but not stupid to think that if I just keep thinking positive the world will do the same. I am in wonder at what my part in all this is. I wonder if McCain is that much better. I wonder if one person really can make a difference. If I go out and am a big supporter of one person will it really matter.
These next couple of months will not really change anything in the present but they are keeping the ball rolling and I hope we can change it to a new direction. I hope all of us will get involved and do our part. I pray that we will all be looking at ourselves and in our homes and making sure we are giving our all to our families and our country.
I am just sick about it, but can't let the fear stop me. Toby and I have some deep conversations coming up, I know it. When he goes back I am going to find my niche and run with it. Ok, so I have about 20 niches, but hey..all I need is the energy and I will succeed at every one of them.
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
I Cried at the gym today
Tonight while I was running at the gym. I was listening to my music trying to get into the groove. I was just finishing my first mile and the womens 100 hurdles comes on. I was so excited because sometimes I sprint with them and get an extra good workout.
I am sprinting and then I see it.. I can't believe my eyes. Lolo Jones has her misstep. I was so compelled that I turned off my music and plug in to listen to the announcer on the television. I was so overwhelmed with emotion I started to cry. I love seeing people succeed in the face of doubt and fear, but HATE to see people experience disappointment.
I was really trying to pull myself together to keep running but had to stop and go the the restroom to get a grip. How sad for me that my emotions are that close to my heart now a days. I just could feel maybe a 1/1000 of what she felt and I was struck with feelings of failure.
I did not go back to run, but went and rode the bike instead and listened to my upbeat music to get back into the groove. I still am in disbelief but am reminded that things like this happen daily. People have medical setbacks, emotional missteps and we make the simplest mistakes sometimes that magnified might make the most impact on our futures.
I am sprinting and then I see it.. I can't believe my eyes. Lolo Jones has her misstep. I was so compelled that I turned off my music and plug in to listen to the announcer on the television. I was so overwhelmed with emotion I started to cry. I love seeing people succeed in the face of doubt and fear, but HATE to see people experience disappointment.
I was really trying to pull myself together to keep running but had to stop and go the the restroom to get a grip. How sad for me that my emotions are that close to my heart now a days. I just could feel maybe a 1/1000 of what she felt and I was struck with feelings of failure.
I did not go back to run, but went and rode the bike instead and listened to my upbeat music to get back into the groove. I still am in disbelief but am reminded that things like this happen daily. People have medical setbacks, emotional missteps and we make the simplest mistakes sometimes that magnified might make the most impact on our futures.
Make my peace
Coming home from the gym tonight I started warming myself up to the idea of making my peace with Utah. I love it here in so many ways. It is so beautiful and green. I love how clean it is. The one thing however that I do not like is the cold. Cold for me has changed with moving to El Paso.
Tonight it was 72 degrees. I was shivering leaving the gym. When I went to the gas station afterwards, I saw a newspaper with the front page stating we are going to be welcoming fall and winter very soon this year. WHAT? Are you kidding me?
I worry that my husband might get sick considering he is cutting his temperatures in almost half. It was 130 a week ago and 100% humidity. He is going to have to wear a coat while he is here I just know it.
In the wake of understanding I might as well get used to it because it is not going to stay hot for little old me..I changed one of my daily affirmations to say "I welcome the cold.. I look excellent in my winter clothes this year"
Bring it on Utah..I can keep buying layers to give me some comfort right?
Tonight it was 72 degrees. I was shivering leaving the gym. When I went to the gas station afterwards, I saw a newspaper with the front page stating we are going to be welcoming fall and winter very soon this year. WHAT? Are you kidding me?
I worry that my husband might get sick considering he is cutting his temperatures in almost half. It was 130 a week ago and 100% humidity. He is going to have to wear a coat while he is here I just know it.
In the wake of understanding I might as well get used to it because it is not going to stay hot for little old me..I changed one of my daily affirmations to say "I welcome the cold.. I look excellent in my winter clothes this year"
Bring it on Utah..I can keep buying layers to give me some comfort right?
I am crazy and thats why he loves me
Toby actually had an opportunity to read some of the blog the other day and mentioned in fun that I don't write about my husband enough! Oh, I love him.
Today we were talking on the phone and yet again came to the realization of how crazy I am. He in turn feels very lucky to have me, but I am a little high strung these last couple days.
I know the location that Toby is flying in to and to us from. My husband is too lazy :) to look and see how long the flights are to us. He would rather just ask me a million times and fester over it. Ok, so when I was up yesterday at 3:00 am and trying to think of something to do that was not productive..I started looking up flights. Toby said I was probably the only wife crazy enough to be doing that. I may be, but find that hard to believe.
I am crazy because I will try really hard to have everything perfect for him to come home when I already know I am going to blow up at everyone because something gets out of place at the wrong time. I am known for my scheduling and have it down to a T except for one small thing...
We don't really know when he will be here!! Yikes
I have a list of things to do in the final days and hours but don't have anything to gage it against.
Example: I want to get my nails done..has to be the day before so they are fresh. Laundry..I want it all done so he comes home to a clean house, but is laundry ever done? Cleaning, do I big clean now and just pick up later or pick up now and super clean right before he comes? Do I run my butt off to lose those extra pounds and risk injury or just sit around waiting for us to go running together?
All these things really have no merit and are not important at all, except in my crazy mind of counting down paychecks and then Sundays and now hours until I see him..I have to have something to pawn my craziness onto.
Toby is indeed coming home to a crazy person. Crazy for him that is :)
Today we were talking on the phone and yet again came to the realization of how crazy I am. He in turn feels very lucky to have me, but I am a little high strung these last couple days.
I know the location that Toby is flying in to and to us from. My husband is too lazy :) to look and see how long the flights are to us. He would rather just ask me a million times and fester over it. Ok, so when I was up yesterday at 3:00 am and trying to think of something to do that was not productive..I started looking up flights. Toby said I was probably the only wife crazy enough to be doing that. I may be, but find that hard to believe.
I am crazy because I will try really hard to have everything perfect for him to come home when I already know I am going to blow up at everyone because something gets out of place at the wrong time. I am known for my scheduling and have it down to a T except for one small thing...
We don't really know when he will be here!! Yikes
I have a list of things to do in the final days and hours but don't have anything to gage it against.
Example: I want to get my nails done..has to be the day before so they are fresh. Laundry..I want it all done so he comes home to a clean house, but is laundry ever done? Cleaning, do I big clean now and just pick up later or pick up now and super clean right before he comes? Do I run my butt off to lose those extra pounds and risk injury or just sit around waiting for us to go running together?
All these things really have no merit and are not important at all, except in my crazy mind of counting down paychecks and then Sundays and now hours until I see him..I have to have something to pawn my craziness onto.
Toby is indeed coming home to a crazy person. Crazy for him that is :)
Olympics 2008
Ok, so in my previous life..or in years past. I have not really been a huge fan of the Olympics. I don't know why either. When they came to Utah for the Winter I was working at Wells Fargo and I remember we got these charms and some other goody bag crap that I am pretty sure I just threw away. I know bad attitude. We even went to some venues and hung out downtown a couple times in the mix..but I didn't get what all the hype was about. I did understand huge advertising opportunity it was for some companies, but had not shown any appreciation for it.
This year however..is different. I am not obsessed by any means and don't sit and watch it all day, but when I am watching TV I have been chosing the Olympics as my choice. I have been thinking of why this year it is different for me. My positive attitude has a big thing to do with it. Cheering on the underdog. Seeing people ACHIEVE what they have worked so hard for. Watching the smallest failure to the biggest success is amazing.
I was running at the gym the other night and gymnastics was on. As I watched her do her thing, I was really into it. Huge emotions for the experience. She stuck the landing and I almost yelled "YES" right there. Watching as belief barriers get broken!
I guess I have this great pride for our country also that I had not had in previous years. I do want us to kick major butt and show other countries how awesome we are. I love hearing the national anthem being played over and over and watching that flag get raised.
I won't complain to much about how dumb I think some of the sports are like: trampoline? but appreciate all the hard work they must have put into the sport? to go and compete.
GO USA!
This year however..is different. I am not obsessed by any means and don't sit and watch it all day, but when I am watching TV I have been chosing the Olympics as my choice. I have been thinking of why this year it is different for me. My positive attitude has a big thing to do with it. Cheering on the underdog. Seeing people ACHIEVE what they have worked so hard for. Watching the smallest failure to the biggest success is amazing.
I was running at the gym the other night and gymnastics was on. As I watched her do her thing, I was really into it. Huge emotions for the experience. She stuck the landing and I almost yelled "YES" right there. Watching as belief barriers get broken!
I guess I have this great pride for our country also that I had not had in previous years. I do want us to kick major butt and show other countries how awesome we are. I love hearing the national anthem being played over and over and watching that flag get raised.
I won't complain to much about how dumb I think some of the sports are like: trampoline? but appreciate all the hard work they must have put into the sport? to go and compete.
GO USA!
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